I just heard this quote, and it floored me.
"You don't have to do any more work to be a good person, ok? You can take the rest of your life off." ~Eve Ensler
From this film (the link takes you to the netflix page where you can watch this film online).
Showing posts with label women's rights. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women's rights. Show all posts
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
The Rapist Checklist
Some things to remember...
1. You are a rapist if you get a girl drunk and have sex with her.
2. You are a rapist if you find a drunk girl and have sex with her.
3. You are a rapist if you get yourself drunk too and have sex with her. Your drunkeness is no excuse.
4. If you are BOTH drunk you are still a rapist.
5. If she's alternating between puking her guts out and passing out in the bed then you're a rapist.
6. If she's sleeping and you have sex with her you're a rapist.
7. If she's unconscious and you have sex with her then you're a rapist.
8. If she's taking sleeping pills and doesn’t wake up when you have sex with her then you’re a rapist.
9. If she is incapacitated in any way and unable to say 'Yes' then you're a rapist.
10. If you drug her then you're a rapist.
11. If you find a drugged girl and have sex with her then you're a rapist.
12. If you don't bother to ask her permission and she says neither 'Yes' or 'No' then you're a rapist.
13. You are a rapist if you 'nag' her for sex. Because you manage to ply an eventual 'yes' from a weary victim doesn't mean it's not rape. You are a rapist.
14. You are a rapist if you try to circumvent her "No" by talking her into it. She's not playing hard to get, and, even if she IS it's not YOUR responsibility to 'get' her. You're still a rapist.
15. You are a rapist if you manipulate her into sex when she doesn't otherwise want it. If you say, "If you loved me you’d do X" then you're a rapist. If you say, "All the other kids are doing it!" then you're a rapist.
16. If you threaten her, or act in a way that SHE thinks you're threatening her then you're a rapist. If you puff up and get loud and frustrated while trying to 'talk' her into sex then you're a rapist.
17. You are a rapist if you don't immediately get your hands off of her when she says 'no'. You are a rapist if you take your hands off of her and then put them back ON her after 10 minutes and she eventually 'gives in' to this tactic.
18. You are a rapist if you won't let her sleep peacefully without waking her every 15 minutes asking her for sex. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and YOU are a rapist.
19. If you're necking with her and you're naked and you've already gone down on her and she says 'No' to sex with you and you have sex with her anyway then you're a rapist.
20. If you're engaged in intercourse and she says 'No' at ANY point and you don't immediately stop then you're a rapist.
21. If she said "Yes" to sex with a condom and that condom breaks and you proceed anyway then you're a rapist.
22. If she picked you up at a bar looking for sex and then decides that she doesn't WANT sex and you continue then you're a rapist.
23. If she changes her mind at ANY point for ANY reason and you don't immediately back off or you try to talk her into it and get sex anyway then you're a rapist.
24. If you don't hit her and she says 'No' you're still a rapist.
25. If you don't have a knife or a gun or a garrote and she says 'No' then you're still a rapist.
26. If you're a friend of hers you can still be a rapist.
27. If you had sex with her the night before but she doesn't want morning sex and you pressure her for it anyway then you're a rapist.
28. If you're her husband you can still be a rapist.
29. If it's your wedding night and she doesn't WANT to have sex with you and you force or coerce her anyway then you're a rapist.
30. If she's had sex with you hundreds of times before but doesn't want to on the 101st time then you're a rapist.
31. If you penetrate her anally, orally or digitally against her will then YOU my friend, are ALSO a rapist.
32. Women do not owe you sex.
33. Buying her dinner does not entitle you to sex.
34. Paying her mortgage does not entitle you to sex.
35. Buying her clothing does not entitle you to sex.
36. Buying her lingerie does not entitle you to sex. It also doesn't mean that she has any obligation to wear that lingerie around you.
37. Spending any amount of money on her does not, ever, entitle you to sex.
38. Seeing her legs or cleavage does not entitle you to sex.
39. If she 'turns you on' you're not entitled to sex.
40. If she has ****ed every man in a 10 square mile radius and she doesn't want to **** you and you have sex with her anyway, then you're a rapist.
41. Her clothing is not a reason for you to rape her. Her LACK of clothing is no reason to rape her. If she's wearing a thong and pasties you STILL have no right to rape her.
42. If she's a prostitute and she says "No" then you're a rapist.
43. If she's a stripper and she says "No" then you're a rapist. Likewise, if she's a stripper and she's been rubbing against your &!#@ all night long and you follow her to her car and have sex with her against her will then you are ALSO a rapist.
44. If you watch a woman being raped without calling the authorities then you're as bad as a rapist and you may also be a rapist yourself.
45. If you don't fight rape then you accept rape. (This does not apply to a woman BEING raped...sometimes fighting back is dangerous, impossible, or frightening.)
46. If you don't believe a woman when she says she was raped then you're encouraging rape.
47. If you choose to remain friends with a man who raped a woman you are encouraging rape.
48. If you confess to the authorities that you raped a woman it does not exonerate you. You are not suddenly a model of good behavior.
49. If you ‘only’ raped one woman, you’re STILL a rapist.
50. You cannot tell who is a rapist by the way they look. Rapists are your friends, your brothers, your fathers and you won't know it.
51. Do not get frustrated with a woman if she doesn't trust you. SHE already knows that rapists don't wear signs on their foreheads. Something you think is innocuous SHE may find terrifying.
1. You are a rapist if you get a girl drunk and have sex with her.
2. You are a rapist if you find a drunk girl and have sex with her.
3. You are a rapist if you get yourself drunk too and have sex with her. Your drunkeness is no excuse.
4. If you are BOTH drunk you are still a rapist.
5. If she's alternating between puking her guts out and passing out in the bed then you're a rapist.
6. If she's sleeping and you have sex with her you're a rapist.
7. If she's unconscious and you have sex with her then you're a rapist.
8. If she's taking sleeping pills and doesn’t wake up when you have sex with her then you’re a rapist.
9. If she is incapacitated in any way and unable to say 'Yes' then you're a rapist.
10. If you drug her then you're a rapist.
11. If you find a drugged girl and have sex with her then you're a rapist.
12. If you don't bother to ask her permission and she says neither 'Yes' or 'No' then you're a rapist.
13. You are a rapist if you 'nag' her for sex. Because you manage to ply an eventual 'yes' from a weary victim doesn't mean it's not rape. You are a rapist.
14. You are a rapist if you try to circumvent her "No" by talking her into it. She's not playing hard to get, and, even if she IS it's not YOUR responsibility to 'get' her. You're still a rapist.
15. You are a rapist if you manipulate her into sex when she doesn't otherwise want it. If you say, "If you loved me you’d do X" then you're a rapist. If you say, "All the other kids are doing it!" then you're a rapist.
16. If you threaten her, or act in a way that SHE thinks you're threatening her then you're a rapist. If you puff up and get loud and frustrated while trying to 'talk' her into sex then you're a rapist.
17. You are a rapist if you don't immediately get your hands off of her when she says 'no'. You are a rapist if you take your hands off of her and then put them back ON her after 10 minutes and she eventually 'gives in' to this tactic.
18. You are a rapist if you won't let her sleep peacefully without waking her every 15 minutes asking her for sex. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and YOU are a rapist.
19. If you're necking with her and you're naked and you've already gone down on her and she says 'No' to sex with you and you have sex with her anyway then you're a rapist.
20. If you're engaged in intercourse and she says 'No' at ANY point and you don't immediately stop then you're a rapist.
21. If she said "Yes" to sex with a condom and that condom breaks and you proceed anyway then you're a rapist.
22. If she picked you up at a bar looking for sex and then decides that she doesn't WANT sex and you continue then you're a rapist.
23. If she changes her mind at ANY point for ANY reason and you don't immediately back off or you try to talk her into it and get sex anyway then you're a rapist.
24. If you don't hit her and she says 'No' you're still a rapist.
25. If you don't have a knife or a gun or a garrote and she says 'No' then you're still a rapist.
26. If you're a friend of hers you can still be a rapist.
27. If you had sex with her the night before but she doesn't want morning sex and you pressure her for it anyway then you're a rapist.
28. If you're her husband you can still be a rapist.
29. If it's your wedding night and she doesn't WANT to have sex with you and you force or coerce her anyway then you're a rapist.
30. If she's had sex with you hundreds of times before but doesn't want to on the 101st time then you're a rapist.
31. If you penetrate her anally, orally or digitally against her will then YOU my friend, are ALSO a rapist.
32. Women do not owe you sex.
33. Buying her dinner does not entitle you to sex.
34. Paying her mortgage does not entitle you to sex.
35. Buying her clothing does not entitle you to sex.
36. Buying her lingerie does not entitle you to sex. It also doesn't mean that she has any obligation to wear that lingerie around you.
37. Spending any amount of money on her does not, ever, entitle you to sex.
38. Seeing her legs or cleavage does not entitle you to sex.
39. If she 'turns you on' you're not entitled to sex.
40. If she has ****ed every man in a 10 square mile radius and she doesn't want to **** you and you have sex with her anyway, then you're a rapist.
41. Her clothing is not a reason for you to rape her. Her LACK of clothing is no reason to rape her. If she's wearing a thong and pasties you STILL have no right to rape her.
42. If she's a prostitute and she says "No" then you're a rapist.
43. If she's a stripper and she says "No" then you're a rapist. Likewise, if she's a stripper and she's been rubbing against your &!#@ all night long and you follow her to her car and have sex with her against her will then you are ALSO a rapist.
44. If you watch a woman being raped without calling the authorities then you're as bad as a rapist and you may also be a rapist yourself.
45. If you don't fight rape then you accept rape. (This does not apply to a woman BEING raped...sometimes fighting back is dangerous, impossible, or frightening.)
46. If you don't believe a woman when she says she was raped then you're encouraging rape.
47. If you choose to remain friends with a man who raped a woman you are encouraging rape.
48. If you confess to the authorities that you raped a woman it does not exonerate you. You are not suddenly a model of good behavior.
49. If you ‘only’ raped one woman, you’re STILL a rapist.
50. You cannot tell who is a rapist by the way they look. Rapists are your friends, your brothers, your fathers and you won't know it.
51. Do not get frustrated with a woman if she doesn't trust you. SHE already knows that rapists don't wear signs on their foreheads. Something you think is innocuous SHE may find terrifying.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Freedom!
So apparently yesterday was Freedom Of Information day. It does not pay to skip a day of reading my message boards. But heck, a day late and a dollar short is pretty much my motto.
It seems appropriate that one of the ways to honor this occasion would be to talk about adoptee rights - open records. It makes no sense to me that an entire section of the population would be kept from their own information because of something they didn't even have the ability to agree to. This is THEIR information. The rest of us can have it. Why can't they? I mean, really, what on Earth did adoptees do to be discriminated against? (Not that I believe those who are discriminated against generally "deserve" it...I'm just pointing out how absurd it is that they don't have equal rights...and generally when a group of people IS discriminated against, the oppressors have some bogus explanation as to why the oppressed "deserve" it.)
Later on today, I'm going to draft a letter to the editor of my local newspaper. I hope you all will do the same. Freedom of information, indeed. For ALL people. Equally. Thank you very much.
I'm going to go off track here for just a minute. I read this question earlier today on another forum: "What do you think would happen if right here in American millions of people representing our brightest, healthiest, and most culturally advanced were stolen and forced into slavery? What might be the consequence of such an atrocity?" I am not equating adoption with slavery...I think there are some fundamental differences. However, it is very important to note that adoptees have less rights than the average citizen - and consequently, they are treated as second-class citizens - and that they were not a party to the contract that created this discrimination. Only the fact that the child-adoptee is completely powerless makes this contract even possible...adult adoptions are rare, and never decided without the adoptee's consent.
Anyway, that wasn't my point (just tying the two completely separate thoughts together...hopefully in some kind of cohesive manner). My point is that I have found myself often lately shouting about victim blaming and how utterly, grossly, abhorantly unacceptable it is. The farther away from my own abusive past I get, the better I am able to see the circumstances that created my victimhood. I now know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I did NOTHING to bring on my own abuse (which CAN be equated with enslavement, in some ways). I was not a party to what happened to me. I did not create my abusers. I did not ask to be abused. And I absolutely will NOT stand by while others talk about what someone was wearing, or how hard it is to coerce someone who is "strong" (i.e. only "weak" people are coerced...pfft), or how "They wouldn't be [enslaved] because they were the brightest!". These statements are complete rubbish.
I AM SICK TO DEATH OF PEOPLE THINKING THAT VICTIMS HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH WHY THEY WERE VICTIMIZED!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have you ever heard that when women wear short skirts, they're "asking" to be raped? Guess what? She could have been wearing sweat pants and curlers, and STILL would have been raped, because rape is caused by RAPISTS, not victims. Women don't get raped when there are no rapists around.
I'm going to just copy and paste here my answer to the above enslavement question, rather than trying to reword it:
"Wow, it's really obvious that a couple of answerers have never experienced powerlessness. Their over-privileged lives have made it impossible to understand how to answer a question like this.
OP: All people have the potential to be the brightest, healthiest, most culturally advanced, etc. Often, when one is oppressed, they become the thing they are told they are - they become a self-fulfilled prophecy. When one is told they do not have rights, they FEEL that they have no rights. When one is told they are stupid, their performance drops. There are many studies that show this (have you seen the 'blue/brown eyes' study that a teacher did with her students?). And conversely, when people are held on a pedestal, told they are intelligent, etc., their performance increases, and they begin to feel they are 'better than' (as evidenced by a couple earlier answers).
This happens all the time. Each time a person or group of people are enslaved, we find out the answer to your question. This is an excellent film (although VERY tough to watch) that answers your question quite well: http://www.netflix.com/Movie/The_Experim... It's called learned helplessness. (Lots of research about that, too.)
It seems appropriate that one of the ways to honor this occasion would be to talk about adoptee rights - open records. It makes no sense to me that an entire section of the population would be kept from their own information because of something they didn't even have the ability to agree to. This is THEIR information. The rest of us can have it. Why can't they? I mean, really, what on Earth did adoptees do to be discriminated against? (Not that I believe those who are discriminated against generally "deserve" it...I'm just pointing out how absurd it is that they don't have equal rights...and generally when a group of people IS discriminated against, the oppressors have some bogus explanation as to why the oppressed "deserve" it.)
Later on today, I'm going to draft a letter to the editor of my local newspaper. I hope you all will do the same. Freedom of information, indeed. For ALL people. Equally. Thank you very much.
I'm going to go off track here for just a minute. I read this question earlier today on another forum: "What do you think would happen if right here in American millions of people representing our brightest, healthiest, and most culturally advanced were stolen and forced into slavery? What might be the consequence of such an atrocity?" I am not equating adoption with slavery...I think there are some fundamental differences. However, it is very important to note that adoptees have less rights than the average citizen - and consequently, they are treated as second-class citizens - and that they were not a party to the contract that created this discrimination. Only the fact that the child-adoptee is completely powerless makes this contract even possible...adult adoptions are rare, and never decided without the adoptee's consent.
Anyway, that wasn't my point (just tying the two completely separate thoughts together...hopefully in some kind of cohesive manner). My point is that I have found myself often lately shouting about victim blaming and how utterly, grossly, abhorantly unacceptable it is. The farther away from my own abusive past I get, the better I am able to see the circumstances that created my victimhood. I now know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I did NOTHING to bring on my own abuse (which CAN be equated with enslavement, in some ways). I was not a party to what happened to me. I did not create my abusers. I did not ask to be abused. And I absolutely will NOT stand by while others talk about what someone was wearing, or how hard it is to coerce someone who is "strong" (i.e. only "weak" people are coerced...pfft), or how "They wouldn't be [enslaved] because they were the brightest!". These statements are complete rubbish.
I AM SICK TO DEATH OF PEOPLE THINKING THAT VICTIMS HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH WHY THEY WERE VICTIMIZED!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have you ever heard that when women wear short skirts, they're "asking" to be raped? Guess what? She could have been wearing sweat pants and curlers, and STILL would have been raped, because rape is caused by RAPISTS, not victims. Women don't get raped when there are no rapists around.
I'm going to just copy and paste here my answer to the above enslavement question, rather than trying to reword it:
"Wow, it's really obvious that a couple of answerers have never experienced powerlessness. Their over-privileged lives have made it impossible to understand how to answer a question like this.
OP: All people have the potential to be the brightest, healthiest, most culturally advanced, etc. Often, when one is oppressed, they become the thing they are told they are - they become a self-fulfilled prophecy. When one is told they do not have rights, they FEEL that they have no rights. When one is told they are stupid, their performance drops. There are many studies that show this (have you seen the 'blue/brown eyes' study that a teacher did with her students?). And conversely, when people are held on a pedestal, told they are intelligent, etc., their performance increases, and they begin to feel they are 'better than' (as evidenced by a couple earlier answers).
This happens all the time. Each time a person or group of people are enslaved, we find out the answer to your question. This is an excellent film (although VERY tough to watch) that answers your question quite well: http://www.netflix.com/Movie/The_Experim... It's called learned helplessness. (Lots of research about that, too.)
Victim blaming is absolutely 100% unacceptable."
I don't have a good way to tie this all up. I feel like I've had a good rant today. It feels SO GOOD to just SAY those things! We ALL deserve to have our own information! We ALL deserve to have equal rights! We ALL deserve to be treated with respect and dignity! We ALL can/could be victims! Victims are created by abusers, NOT victims! FREEDOM! (Said in my best William Wallace bellow.)
I don't have a good way to tie this all up. I feel like I've had a good rant today. It feels SO GOOD to just SAY those things! We ALL deserve to have our own information! We ALL deserve to have equal rights! We ALL deserve to be treated with respect and dignity! We ALL can/could be victims! Victims are created by abusers, NOT victims! FREEDOM! (Said in my best William Wallace bellow.)
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